If Hurricanes Players Were Pokemon Cards and Generation One Pokemon

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Well, we’ve finally come to the worst part of the off-season: the part where you’d consider selling your soul for some hockey signings or news. Well, maybe not your soul, maybe just a tooth or something. Anyways, we’ve reached the part of the off-season where I start writing a bunch of articles with the general premise of “If Hurricanes players were…” and a lot of them never make the cut. This one is different. I’m going to make it work, dammit.

Justin Faulk

There are a few cards that I’d consider for Faulk. I think that the card that’s the best fit for him as of right now is Tapu Koko GX.

It was good for a hot second when it came out and then quickly got taken over by better cards. Then, all of a sudden, more cards came out to fill out the deck that Tapu Koko needed in order to be effective, making it a really good counter for a couple of good GXes. So basically, Tapu Koko was great, wasn’t good for a long time, and then gets good right before it comes out of rotation. Seems like an omen of things to come, if you ask me.

As for Generation One Pokemon, this is tough. CJ Turtoro’s Pokemon Tableau, which is a fun tool, lists Faulk as a Grimer. Here’s a link to the tweet if you want to check out which players are which Pokemon in his model.

Faulk is Wigglytuff in my book. Not that great in terms of regular attack and defense (assuming this is totally the same as 5v5 hockey) but Wigglytuff really shines with special attack and defense. Faulk is used on both the power play and penalty kill, and can be pretty effective in both situations.

The resemblance is uncanny, don’t you think?

In summary, Faulk’s pokemon card is one that’s finally coming back into the meta after taking some time off. His Gen One Pokemon is a bulky Pokemon that excels with special attack and is just sort of “eh” everywhere else.

Sebastian Aho and Teuvo Teravainen

Their Pokemon card is probably the easiest to pick out. Theirs is the Reshiram and Charizard Tag Team GX card.

It’s one of the best cards in the current meta and has only a few counters. What can better describe the Hurricanes’ dynamic duo? Aho and Teravainen find ways to win games for the Hurricanes, and this card pretty much does the same for you if you have it in your deck. It’s so hard to play against and irritates the hell out of you.

Sebastian Aho is not Mewtwo, I’m sorry. That would be too easy and I’m not here to bring you lazy content. Don’t make any jokes. Aho is Dragonite and there’s really no need for debate here. Dragonite is the strongest non-legendary in Gen One, and Aho is the best player that the Hurricanes have. I’m doing basic math here after hitting you with that advanced calculus in trying to figure out what the hell kind of Pokemon Justin Faulk was. Plus, I mean look at that face! How could you not like Dragonite!

I’m still standing behind my “Aho is Not Attractive” take

Now as for Teuvo, we have to do some more work. Turtoro’s Tableau nails it on this one, though. Teravainen is Muk. Now I know what you’re all thinking. “Isn’t Muk just a bunch of garbage?! How dare you say that about Teuvo!” And well ACTUALLY, Muk is toxic waste and also a very good Pokemon to have on your team. Poison types didn’t have a ton of Pokemon that were able to counter them in Gen One, making Muk an effective team member. He’s great with physical attacks and against special attacks, meaning that he’s exactly like Teuvo, who excels at 5v5 and on the penalty kill.

Nothing screams “elite top six forward” like a sentient pile of toxic waste.

Nino Niederreiter

Nino’s card is a bit of a stretch, but I think it works. He’s the regular Jirachi card that actually changed the meta. Jirachi isn’t good enough to build a deck around, but it’s a great card to have in any deck just for it’s ability. It allows for you to gain a sizable advantage without having to give anything up. That is definitely not like any Victor Rask trade that I’ve seen in the past.

As for his Gen One Pokemon, I think the Tableau gets it wrong. Nidoking would be a great choice for someone like Aho because Nidoking is good enough to wipe out most teams outside of the Elite Four. Niederreiter isn’t that guy. He’s more like Venusaur. A really balanced player that doesn’t excel in any particular area. Instead, he’s good all-around and makes your team better regardless of the situation.

Mega Venusaur because the Canes mega-won that trade, amirite?

Andrei Svechnikov and Jordan Staal

This is another combo! Svechnikov and Staal worked fairly well together in the limited time they were on the same line, and so I think that this is deserving of another tag team card. These two are the Pikachu and Zekrom Tag Team GX card. It’s not quite as good as Reshizard, but it’s still a damn good card to have in your deck, especially when paired with a few other good cards. Svech and Staal work well together and are capable of doing a lot of damage each shift, which is why I think that this is a fit. “Pikarom” can get set up really quickly and wipe out your whole bench in just a few turns.

Andrei Svechnikov hasn’t played in the league for more than one year, so the tableau is going to be a little off with him. We know for certain that he’s not Hitmonchan, the punching Pokemon. Svechnikov is Scyther. Elite offensive potential and a solid all-around Pokemon. Some weaknesses right now, but there’s the chance for him to evolve his game next season. Scyther becomes infinitely better when it evolves into Scizor, so that’s what I’m going with here.

Maybe if Andrei’s arms looked like this, Ovechkin wouldn’t have asked to fight him.

The tableau gets Staal right, though. He’s definitely Sandslash. An underused Pokemon that probably is better suited playing in the middle of your team. Sanslash has some really good defensive stats and a surprising amount of offense. I’m really wondering why Sandslash is a good option. Sandslash is not very likely to be a huge part of your team but he’s critical for when you need to hold down the fort for a few turns.

Little known fact: the ‘s’ in Sandslash stands for “Selke”

Brett Pesce and Trevor Van Riemsdyk

Another tag team card! Pesce and TVR are the Wailord and Magikarp Tag Team GX. Not because one is great while the other is useless, but because it’s one of the biggest defensive cards in the game. Magikarp and Wailord GX doesn’t really pack a lot of punch, just like Pesce and TVR. It’s mostly used for defensive tactics while you get set up to hopefully dunk on your opponent in the next few turns. *Insert Storm Surge joke here*

Brett Pesce is most definitely Cloyster. It’s one of the best defensive Pokemon in the game and doesn’t have a ton of weaknesses. Cloyster isn’t the most offensively gifted Pokemon, but it does have the potential to learn moves like Surf and even Ice Beam, giving it some solid moves in order to be capable offensively.

I, too make this face when thinking about how good Pesce’s contract is.

Now as for Trevor van Riemsdyk, it’s a bit tougher. He’s not quite at the Blastoise level of being effective defensively, so I think the tableau gets it right again. He’s Wartortle, a Pokemon that is good defensively and not all that impressive anywhere else.

TVR coming to save the day with that goal against Montreal like:

Ryan Dzingel

Dzingel’s Pokemon card has to be a card that’s great offensively, so why not go with Charizard from the Team Up set? It’s a card that continually allows itself to go on the attack, just like Dzingel does. It’ll irritate you and more often than not will prevent you from getting in a groove.

Ryan Dzingel’s Pokemon is definitely Flareon. He’s great offensively and can pack a punch in a hurry, but boy is he weak defensively. With Dzingel, you’re hoping to be on the attack for most of the shift, otherwise you may end up burning yourself. Pun intended.

The best Eeveelution and there’s no need for debate.

Jaccob Slavin

Slavin’s card would have to be a very versatile card that can be used in a lot of decks. Tapu Lele it is! This was one of the more valuable cards for quite some time because it was one of the best supporter cards in the game. It helped heal two of your Pokemon, helped you get set up, and even did some damage offensively. It was an all-around great card, just like how Jaccob Slavin is an all-around great player.

Jaccob Slavin is Zapdos. They’re both great offensively and defensively, have elite speed, and are surprisingly good in terms of special attack/defense and special teams.

A criminally underrated legendary for a criminally underrated player.

Petr Mrazek

Mrazek is a goalie, so he needs a card that stops offense. Celesteela GX seems like a perfect fit. It’s ability neutralizes all effects of GX and EX pokemon, including damage. This is one of those cards that prevents your opponent from utilizing some of their deck’s best cards, which is why I think Mrazek is like this Pokemon card. It’s sort of a perfect match, don’t you think?

Petr Mrazek’s Gen One pokemon is Alakazam. There’s the Mrazzle Dazzle joke that I’m sure could be flipped into a joke about magic, but that’s not what I’m going for here. Alakazam is the pokemon that’s just sort of average at first and then HOLY CRAP HOW DID HE JUST MANAGE TO DO THAT. Alakazam is an emotional roller coaster of a Pokemon, which is just what I experience when I’m watching Petr Mrazek.

Martin Necas

I know, I know. He’s not on the team just yet and I’ve 100% jinxed something that I have no control over whatsoever. Just hear me out here. Martin Necas is definitely Dedenne GX. Just look at it!

LOOK AT IT

Necas’ Gen One Pokemon is Growlithe. Not a whole lot to show off right now, but there’s a lot of potential in the future. You’re in it for the long haul with Growlithe.

Not as cute as Dedenne, but that’s just my opinion.

Dougie Hamilton

Dougie’s Pokemon card and Gen One Pokemon are *technically* the same, although it’s a mega version. Dougie is Mega Pidgeot just because of that glorious mullet that he had during the 2019 playoffs. You couldn’t replicate that even if you tried.

Business in the front, party in the back

Justin Williams

I’m making one exception to the “Generation One Only” rule that I set for myself. We’re going all the way to the Sun and Moon games for Justin Williams’ pokemon. He most certainly has to be Drampa!

Please come back, Justin

That’s all! I know that there are some players that I’ve missed, but I want your opinions for them! I want to know what you think about Jordan Martinook and what his Pokemon would be if he had to be compared to one. Same with Brock McGinn, Lucas Wallmark, Erik Haula, Warren Foegele, Haydn Fleury, and one of our six hundred backup goalies. Tweet @CanesNetfront with your thoughts on which Pokemon would be best for each player, and we’ll retweet the best!

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