Hey Canes Twitter

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Folks, I can’t believe I have to write a post like this again. Okay, I can believe it, I just don’t want to. It seems like it was only last season that I had to write about Canes twitter needing to sh- wait, it was last season. Sometimes, being a fan of the Hurricanes on twitter can be a bit draining. You see the fan base go through wild mood swings, and if you’re like me, you don’t know what to make of it. After a win, it’s optimistic for the most part. There will be the occasional bad apple that will tweet “BUT WHAT ABOUT MUH TRAEDS” or something like that. It’s best to just ignore those accounts. After a loss, Canes twitter turns into the biggest cesspool of bad takes and crippling pessimism. I’m just going to say that some of you are acting like children.

It seems like you expected the team to go 82-0 and shut out every team this year, so when they lose, you throw a tantrum on twitter. If the Canes lose a game by a lot, you cry and call for the coach to be fired. If it’s a close loss, you complain that we didn’t pay an obscene amount to acquire a forward who has just one goal in nine games since being traded. (Sorry, not sorry) So in this post, we’ll be dividing canes twitter into sections and I’ll give reasons why you all need to shut the hell up. Just remember, I consider most of you good friends of mine. Even if we’ve never met, I still consider you a friend. We all try to enjoy this team as much as we can, and if you interact with me in a positive way, you’re a friend to me. Now let’s get to why some things just need to stop.

The Wardiors

I don’t even know where to begin with these people. They’re in the Canes’ mentions as soon as a goal gets scored on Scott Darling. Now it’s typically just the same old stuff. “Ward would’ve stopped that,” “Darling Sucks,” or my personal favorite, “Cam Ward should be the starter instead.”

These people seem to live off of the 2006 nostalgia and get defensive whenever you try to say that Cam isn’t good anymore. There’s no good reason for them to be acting like this. Cam has been good as a backup this year. He’s not good as a starter. Maybe he should stay as the backup?

Maek Traeds

These people seriously need to stop. We get it guys, the Canes will probably have to make a trade if they want to contend in this division. But has it ever occurred to you that the players you want to trade for either suck or aren’t available? “What about Tavares?” It’s delusional to think that a superstar forward would actually be available. If Duchene cost a farm and a dozen extra hens, (am I doing analogies right?) then Tavares would literally cost you the entire Monsanto corporation. Plus, Tavares is likely going to pull a Stamkos move and just sign with his team after a year of bogus trade rumors and panic attacks. Next player! “What about Ryan Nugent-Hopkins?” After how you all have treated Victor Rask this season, I’m not sure why you all want RNH. He and Rask sort of play the same game, RNH just benefits from having a bit better puck luck. He’s not a huge upgrade. I get trading for him, but not until much later in the season or for a favorable cost. Still, calling to trade him EVERY FIVE HOURS is not a healthy way to go about things, so please shut the hell up. Please. We get that you want to make a trade. You don’t have to constantly play the GM. There’s probably a reason why you’re not qualified to be a GM. That reason, among many others, is probably because most of your opinions are bad. Mine are too, so it’s ok. Just stop acting like the GM pls. Also, neither players with the last name Kane are going near my hockey team. Former abusers are coming nowhere near my team.

Fire Somebody

In case of awful take, break glass. People like this really need to shut up. The Hurricanes don’t need to fire anyone. The team is over .500, folks. They’re doing okay. Again, if you expected the Canes to not lose a game, you’re pretty delusional. It’s like this after every loss. Someone freaks out on twitter after a loss, then it starts a chain reaction. Someone starts questioning the coaching or the management, then someone calls to fire them. They take personal offense to a decision that the coach made during the game, and they react as if this decision caused their first born child to perish. Oh wait, it just decided the outcome of a meaningless hockey game. Nobody needs to be fired. The coach isn’t bad at all. If you name one coach in the NHL that doesn’t make questionable line choices or plays, then you’ve earned yourself a firm handshake next time we meet. I have to reiterate this point from earlier: there’s a reason why Francis is the GM and you aren’t. There’s also probably a reason why Peters is the coach and you aren’t. Stop trying to wow fans with your “hockey knowledge” by calling for someone to be fired after every loss.

“Where’s My Free Stuff” Twitter

This one bothers the hell out of me. There are very few people that actually do this, but it gets pretty annoying. The Hurricanes give a way a lot of stuff, which is pretty cool. It’s a good way to reward fans on social media, and it’s also a pretty good way to grow the fan base. So every time that certain people don’t win, they decide to whine and complain on twitter about not winning. It’s mostly the STMs that do this. Hey season ticket members, there’s no part of your contract that states “I am automatically guaranteed to win at least one contest a season.” If there is, then good for you for knowing a guy.

This is slightly less unbearable than the rest of Canes twitter, but it still gets fairly annoying after a while. I get being disappointed after you don’t win. I really do. I’ve been lucky enough to win a couple things from the Canes, but it still sucks when I don’t win. Just please do me a favor and stop complaining whenever you don’t win. It’s making the team not want to give you anything.

Alright folks, time for the last little pep talk of this article before I let you go back to (hopefully) acting like adults. It’s great that you love this team, it really is. Have you ever considered that the world will keep on turning even if the Hurricanes lose? If this team affects your happiness, maybe you should take a break from it. Watch a different team, go outside, or anything, really. Just take a little break from Canes hockey and come back to it with a fresh mindset. The lazy narratives, crippling pessimism, and complaining gets incredibly annoying after a while. It’s why I’m not on Canes twitter too much anymore, even though I really miss it. I’m just really jaded with all of this right now. Again, most of you are my friends, but that doesn’t mean that some of you get annoying occasionally. Just please try to make this an enjoyable experience for all of us. Clamoring for a trade every five minutes won’t help, and neither will calling for someone to get fired. Just shut up and enjoy the hockey team, mmkay?

Thanks, friends.

1 Comment
  1. Dino says

    Right on. Let’s go Canes.

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